diwali@tumkuraaaaaa

i suppose d title is sufficient n efficient to convey my despairingly irrevocable decision to spend my week long holiday@tumkuraaaaaaaaaa....


waaaahaaaaaa...ruckus is one way of saying of wat i hv made of my holiday...mental case is noder way of describin me...n to describe tumkur i'll take d rest of d space...thnk u...
located 65 kms away from bangalore, it's a 2 hr journey by bus...u cn go n come by train as well if ur nuts enough...local trains are wow out here (get my drift??)... d refreshing stench of a pan masala(fused with the sambhar) gazing ostensibly at u on d floor is remarkably distinct...n d constant chatter of d kannada language, d mildly pleasing smell of stale sweat, d chips being sold adds to d prevailing serenity....dnt get me wrong i hv nothing against tumkur local trains...most local trains across d length n breadth of dis nation r no bttr...jst replace sambhar wid local delicacy...thing is i dnt hv nethng fr tumkur local trains either...moving on...


tumkur is an amazing place in terms of weather...here u cn enjoy all 4 seasons flat in one day...d morning will b chilly n d water will look revolting as u gaze at d running tap wid d brush n soap in ur hand...my record is 11 mins...as d sun rises, d chill will dissipate n it'll warm u up, making u wish u hd taken a bath in d morning...(dnt wry no1 will know abt it, jst use a bit of deo...maaan i wish dey sold deo by kgs out here...wishful thinking...newayz) n by evening as d sun goes down d temperature will dip as much widout provocation as sherlyn chopra wen asked to act...dere will b a bit of rain or dark clouds...n by night u'll want to cuddle inside a blanket n go to sleep n thank heavens dat u ddnt take a bath...actually u might even promise urslf to hv a bath next morning if ur doped or smthng...


coming to d infrastructure i only got one sentence...it needs a lot of water, n most in d form of perspiration...na yahaan maal hain n na hi mall hain..lucky me eh??...
d only place to hang out if ur dating is a place cld coffe'n'cushi...(dnt ask wat it means...most probbly d guy who owns it is married, so take a wild guess who set d name..;-)...n wen u go in u cum out wid ur purse n stomach both empty n burning...d large pizza dere is amazing...cums in a bowl which is an inch longer dan d regular soup bowl...nvr ordered d small pizza...i guess it cums wid a microscope n surgical forceps...


d grls i wont comment on too much...n d localiites??...haha...dats a parody...most of dem march arnd as if dey own dis place n v r goddamnd aliens out here...nt lyk dere rnt gud localiites out here bt most r jst dat...localiites..get my drift.full stop.
dats it fr now..more on tumkuraaaaaaa later...fr now lemme cry ovr d spilled milk...


y does god keep teaching me lessons eh??...i hv no desire to learn...








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wat was dat chetan??...

on friday i had an incredible urge to go c hello...waited till saturday fr d reviews...

i accept it...

i ws dissapointed...

shocked...

d critics slammed d movie lyk a vintage drunkard on a bellowing spree...n wt ws intensely astonishing was the acerbic nature of each critic...dey were(i thot) disparagingly harsh on the movie, d actors, d director n d script mind u...
nw had it(d movie) been sm1else's i wuldnt hv given a damn...who gives a shit??..
bt dis is chetan bhagat we r talkin about r'nt we??...i hv read fps around 18 times...mugged up each dialouge n cn narrate d story as it is with ease...on@cc about10 tyms n 3 mistakes about 7 tyms...

so i went...

n i wntd to ask 1 ques...chetan...wat is dis??...nw i'm no connoisseurs of movies or nethng bt my taste is reflective of wat ne ardent fan of chetan bhagat might wish for...n dat is simplicity...d connctn dat is forged en masse b/w us n him, d potency of which is stronger dan ne oder form of liasion...d script was patchy...ok d novel was dark, witty n moving...bt helllooo??...dis is a movie... we cnt fit 2 much in d 2 hrs slot cn we??...
bt wt ws d bit about priyanka(gul panag in dis case, amazingly plastic) askin shyam(sharman joshi, good prfrmnce) to stay out of hr lyf(rt aftr she finds out dat he's tapped his fone) n d expression??...
ms. panag??...dat scene ws d literal paisa-unvasool scene...amzingly plastic i must say again...
sohail khan as vroom??...stellar prfrmnce...must say he's goin up my scale..
amrita arora??...she gives new meaning to wooden...quit actin n spare us n urslf d pain hon...ur figure ws d only thng wrth wtchn earlier n nw its d gratifying pleasure of ur sis's bod svthrt...do quit acting...
issha koppikkar??...or ws it eesha??...or ws it eessha koppikkarr??..numerology cn only help wen u wrk wid gud directors...avg prfrmnce bt hrdly her fault ws it??...
military uncle ws gud as well...bt he ws kept in d 12th camera angle fr d last quartr of a nanosecond....meaning he ws d side focus...
comin to d director...d less said d bttr off...2(or ws it 3) debacles past...a director who culdnt draw out d best out of his actors...

chetan??...bttr luck nxt tym bro...dey raped ur novel n if d movie's sellin, its coz of ur name...
as simple as dat...


P.S-actually if ur chetan n if ur reading dis(highly improbable i know)....sue dem...:-)

quantum of shoelace...n d name aint bond...

the beauty of college lyf isnt d melancholy dat accompanies it within a while bt d sheer no. of classes u cn take in even wen ur system n brain is numb/dead/harried/morose...n d list continues...

as i realized horrorstruck some days ago, bunking isnt an option ne longer...a miserable piece of dumbass(also known in othr words as a "professor") informed me with an almost indecent enthusiasm dat he'll detain me if i bunk ne more of his classes...big deal- i snorted thru my nose 1ce wen i ws out of his earshot...den i realized that he ws my proctor...shit!!

some days ago i realized during the physics class dat i cn sleep with my eyes open...well almost i guess...d symphony of d drone during d physics class is the best lullaby ne guy who hsnt hd a good night's sleep cn ever have...classes come n go...n with each chapter comes a new resolve to start studying from scratch... n den resolves come n go...an interminable wait fr d next chapter 2 start again...lyf's astonishingly ironic...

1ce u start attending some electrical classes, itll affect everythng in ur lyf...physically emotionally mentally psychologically physiologically biologically n most importantly...spiritually...coz 1ce u attnd some clses at a stretch, u'll start doubting the existence of god...

humans hv discovered ways to spy on countries from space bt d essential things still go awry...cnt dey invent a foolproof proxy system??...self-writing pens??...making teachers lose deir memory??..ahhhh...d cruel ironities of lyf...harry potter ws lucky...

mid-sems hv started...dey r sort of internal exams where d profs gt to screw d student's balls(nt all...gt ma drift???...) as a warm-up b4 d real deal gets dished out...in the morning there was maths n den it ws physics frm 3.45...maths ws even...physics ws even worse...tommorrow's electrical...

no srsly does god exist??..

P.S.- i wntd to personally apologise to all d dickheads who invented & modified quantum mechanics...i hv rewritten all rules of quantum physics 2day...sorry de-broglie, heisenberg, chadwick, einstein, newton(ws he involved in dis tomfoolery??...dunno man bt still i owe him an apology...i hv raped his laws often enough) n all other morons n buffoons who hd a say in inventing n changing laws of quantum physics...

lyk i did 2day...:-)

smoky life...

The sole reason of writing a new blog ws 'coz i wntd to gt lst night's incidence out of my system... in every hostel i assume dere's no dearth of jackasses n nerds...bt insomniacs r in a league of deir own...
satanic insomniacs engage in cannibalism in the night n stupid insomniacs engage in water holi...it all strtd at 11.45 in d night wen norml earthlings engage in an activity cld sleeping n abnormal human beings(nerds) engage in an astonishingly gross activity cld studying, my field of observation being limited to hostel lyf...
surprisingly, i ws in d scnd category lst night(dnt gt me wrong, i stay away frm books as earnestly as sane ppl do , its jst dat dere ws a rumor of a quiz circulating lst night)...
11.45 in d night n i hear a guttural scream expunged frm within wt i thot ws a psychotic throat...it is followed by a roar, a bellow n den again jeers n screams...i peeked out, my curiousity gettin d bttr of me... a guy, in his banyan n shorts is drenched to d skin of his butt(ok dat ws jst n xpression, mayb a bit weird)...n den it hppnd...
wid a jovial yell of of unbridled insanity, a bucket of cold water got slammed into anothr guy by godknowswhom amidst lusty yells of crazed celebration fr holi hvin arrived early...den d nxt n den n den n again...it went on fr 45 mins, d sanity decreasing wid each passing second...awake ppl being pulld out n bein drenchd wid a joyous scream of bura na mano holi hain...i ddnt hv ne clue whethr dis shout ws an apology or a polite way of saying come out or we come in...
hostel lyf is an amalgamation m realizing...d certainity of being drawn in to dis kinda lyf is more dan say...still likin d chick u luvd once...well mayb m a hopeless romantic or mayb its jst dat wen m sitting on top of d lockd n out-of-bounds roof of our hostel, wid my frnds releasing smoke-rings n discussing lyf in general in a boozed out state, i luk up at d clear sky n c d moon n say beautiful, my frnds luk at me n drawl yeaaaa eetes...
noder smoke-ring...noder day...

sodden wid dreams...

d secnd post n i still dnt know wt to write abt...so i'll jst share a piece i wrote sm months bck in d dream of churning out a page-turner novel...now its jst dat...a dream...well newz...read on if u wanna...
n yeah one more thing...kindly leave me ur honest comments...


THE FIFTH ACE
Prologue
26th December, 2007-New Delhi
RAW Headquarters The room Shirish Rathi found himself in was claustrophobically small. There was a small wooden table bang at the centre & five unmatched rickety chairs, one of dem on which he sat. The entire cell was hardly 6 paces square & the cramped space further cluttered up his mind, making it impossible to think or even feel. Frustration galled him, leaving no space for nething else. Nt. even fear.
Shirish lukd up at the fluoroscent lights buzzing overhead & wondered if some1 ws. watching him through a two-way mirror. He knew dere would be surveillance cameras inside d room, scrutinizing his every move. Shirish himself ws. no strngr to hidden cameras & abstract monitoring operations. He jst. wished some1 would show up. 35 mins. hd. passed & yet no1 hd. come 2 interrogate him yet.
So wat d fuck's going on, Shirish thought tersely as he lit up a cigarette & ran a hand casually through his hair.
He stared inattentively at d door & slipped in2 d recent past frm. where all d puzzling shit strtd...
.................................................
Ch-1
22nd December, 2007- Central Delhi
Hyatt Regency, 8:54 P.M
The floor manager replaced d phone back into it's cradle fr a sec before picking it up again n dialling two digits, connecting to the basement kitchen. Two rings n it was answered.
"Hello."
The manager cut to businness wid a bark." Room no. 652. Suite. Y hsn't d food been sent yet? Its been 25 mins. u imbecile. Wt did I tell u abt dat room no.? I am warning u n u listen to me u retard, u hv got 300 seconds flat to get d grub to dat room. U get ur act straight. U hv got 300 secs. U hear me u moron? 300 secs."
There was a click as d manager slammed down the phone, his whole being trembling, sweat clinging to his business suit. He exhaled, trying to steady his chaffed nerves, an attempt dat was only partially successful. He exhaled again, n again until his body stopped shaking.
God, dnt let dat man get angry...please God....
Below in the kitchens, a butler hurried out wid d ordered room service on d tray on wheels, hurriedly ironing out his appearance, his manner repulsively bootlicking. He stopped in frnt of d lift, praying steadfastly fr d lift to come down, d abuses of d chef still ringing in his ears. The chef had been abused by the kitchen manager n he in turn, had turned it on to the butler.
6...5...4- the lift carried on its descent slowly...
The chef in his attempt to please the man in room no. 652's appetite had devoted an xtra 15 mins dan was requisite. The man, godknewwhohewas hd called once n chaos resulted...
4...3...2
Who was he? The man in no. 652??..nobody knew...he ws a honcho fr sure...his arrival hd disturbed the manager's equilibrum fr sure...who was he?...better off nt knowing...who cares??...
2........1.the lift downed to the basement where the butler ws still thinking n praying....
He never saw or heard anything, the first blow dat landed on his skull sent him staggering to the ground; he lurched on his feet, trying to stay upright. The second landed squarely on the top of his spine, sending him reeling in shock and pain. He floundered on his feet again before the third blow on his jaw sent his jagged thoughts into oblivion; he fell to the ground. Through his swaying visions broken through mist of pain, he saw a fragented figure above him holding somethng. Somethng long n heavy. Then his thoughts were immured in darkness.
......................................................
An hour and 10 mins later, a floor steward found a butler strewed across d basement toilet- his face sporting a long n cruel red welt, a broken skull, concussions, unconscious. Within 10 mins, the floor manager who hd abused the kitchen abt room no. 652's order rushed to the man's room, his nerves on the precipice of crazed hysteria. The man in room no. 652 was stretched out haphazardly on the huge bed, his half-eaten food's aroma still detectable. His body was cold, his face n lips blue. The man was dead. The manager, frightened by his presence couldnt handle his presence of death. He passed out, his trembling body still shaking.
.................
The doctors revealed cyanide poisoning as the cause of death. No1 knew how.


23rd December, 2007-West Delhi
3:37 A.M
A guy prowled stealthily across d row of bungalows, dissolving into d depths of d cold night at d slightest of sounds. He reappeared & moved, disappeared & appeared over again. A half-moon was shrouded in the inert black sky, glimpsing out from b/w layers of cloud that drifted in d night breeze. The night was inhumanly cold & a low December fog further hung in d air, d chill numbing in sudden bursts of wind. D streetlights illuminated d whole area, bathing d streets in an eerie fluorescent halo in which moved d solitary vigilant of d night. So fluid & sudden were his movements dat he might hv. resembled an apparition to d unexpecting eye.
He finally halted in frnt. of one particular house. The house appeared peculiar in it's surroundings. D garden lukd unkempt wid d bushes growing wild,d vines creeping upwards, encircling & entrailing itself to d Asoka & Peepul trees growing heavenwards. D bungalow hd. an uncared 4 luk all in all. However, even though d house appeared an abnormality in it's picture -perfect surroundings, a Mercedes Benz SLK Convertible stood inside d 12-foot tall locked gate.
D guy moved suddenly, his running steps didn't make ne sound, his movement lithe & smooth, he hd. crossed d entrance to d house, shimming up d 12-foot gate in secs. Once on d oder side of d gate, he allowed himself to be swallowed by d darkness, listening wid strained ears fr. ne stray sound. All ws. calm & he breathed again. He stroved his eyes to adjust to d dark, dey did & he took everything in, his eyes darting back & forth, penetrating, examining. Once satisfied he moved cautiously towards d Benz.
He contemplated his nxt. step on d dust-coated verandah in d silent night. A cricket hooted somewhere idly in d frosty cold, it's voice magnified in d stillness of darkness. Stifling a yawn, he made up his mind & lowered his tools on to d cold floor.
"I'm sry svthrt. Really sry."-the guy whispered lovingly 2 d car & pulled himself below d Benz carefully, muffling ne sound & set to work.


23rd December, 2007-Panchsheel Flyover, South Delhi
11:23 A.M
A car moved drunkenly on the road, it's horn screaming it's helplessness as d driver suddenly slumped forwards, apparently knocked unconscious with head wilted on top of d steering wheel.The car moved in it's inebriated state, slamming into other cars even as other drivers swung out of d way, squalling out profane words of sudden shock.
Angry screams of outrage, however were drowned by d deafening cacophony dat hd resulted, every horn on dat side of d flyover blasting as d car moved up in it's sottish state up d flyover towards Nehru Place.D man went totally limp at d ht. of d parabolic curve of d flyover & d car slewed leftwards, uncontrollably accelerating to a magnanimous 107k's/hr.
Every living eye followed d car's trajectory in horror; d horn stopped howling as d car careened indocilely towards d concrete railings. With an ear-splitting screech of metal on stone, d Merc. Benz ricochetted onto d pavement & pummelled through d reinforced concrete bounds towards d skies.
Massive chunks of concrete fell earthwards as d boundary caved into d brute force of momentun of d car & d wheels of d Benz moved dizzily 4 just d smallest space of time as it stalled mid-air 4 a nanosecond, drawing d collective gasps of horror, fighting against d pull of gravity......& den d impetus of d car pushed it an almost graceful parabolic arc & gravity sucked it downwards at 312feet/sec.....
D Benz fell, 1600 kgs. of lifeless mass wid it's dead owner spiralling ungoverned onto d top of a DTC bus. D bus's glasspanes shattered; piercing screams of terror reverbated thru d air & d Benz fell wid a sickening crunch on to it's left & passing vehicles veered sharply out of d way, yelling abuse at nething & everythin.g. D Benz rolled, skidded & flipped over n over like a monstrous metal pancake over d abrasive surface, it's dead owner being flung unceremoniously around inside d car.
A mammoth explosion echoed as a great upthrust of scorching fire shot out of d Benz, ripping apart d roof in one stroke. D Benz finally halted on it's wheels, a satanic mess of convoluted flames & smoke. Every car stopped behind it & every car braked ahead of it, glancing bckwards.
Every single living eye stared hypnotised as d M-Benz SLK Convertible gave a last shriek of tortured metal & d fuel tank exploded with a bellowing roar; a fireball erupted frm. under d front bonnet dat mushroomed upwards until d Benz ws nothing bt. pieces of wreckage raining down frm. d skies.
............................................................................................................
.........TO BE CONTINUED

dawn is it??...

frankly speaking dis might just b a passin hobby...bloggin i mean...a frnd of mine in my hostel blogs n i decided dat i'll do dis as well...so dawn it is...

by d way dis title hs noder meaning...

its been a month of college/hostel lyf n it hs been more of a bhelpuri...a bit of dis taste n a bit of dat...all mixed up to provide a taste dat leaves ur tongue n mouth scrunched up...i opted fr biotech. a month back as my B.E. course...

i still dnt know y i did dat...

i took a college cld Siddaganga Insti. of Tech which is located in a place cld tumkur in karnataka(which m sure no earthling hs ever heard of)...

n m still wondering y i did dat...

i mean d college rocks(??)...bt d place is literally an out-of-world experience..

tumkur??...

yeah ur right...m still thinking y i did dat...

dawn??...or is it a mirage??...

i hv been summoned by seniors 7 times...askd to wear formal clothes...cut my hair to a bachchan pandey ishtyle...i hv buccaneered around d football field against seniors in a football match n ended up being thrashed 11-3...i hv been askd to leave my attitude 2700 kms away in my home...

n i hv been asked by seniors to come to dem widout ne hesitance if i ever hv a problem...bhelpuri??..told u so...

a bit about d hostel b4 i sign off...

hostel lyf??...

it r/s...o/u...cks...hate washing clothes...hate d mess food(its so aptly titled na??...)...hate standing b4 d water cooler to fill my bottle n most of all...hate dat i miss my mother's food 'coz i hd told her dat 1ce i go 2 hostel i'll nt think of u...

i think abt her bt its d food i miss d most...

bt den again...i cnt watch "basic instinct" at 1.0 clock in d night widout every sec. bugging d shit outta me dat dad's gonna wake up n kick my ass out of d house...i cnt mock-wrestle wid my frnds at 11.45 in d night...i cnt bunk a cls widout d lurking fear of getting caught...i cnt yell n scream n roar in delight at defeating sm1 in a game of counter-strike...

as dey say...no 2 sides r heavy enough....only d points of view r...

n yeah...every morning i'm forced to wake up at 7.20 fr d cls dat strts at 8.00 by one frnd or d oder...my hostel is 10 mins awy frm campus by bike...n u know wat i say??..
dawn is it??...