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Monday, October 27, 2008

diwali@tumkuraaaaaa

i suppose d title is sufficient n efficient to convey my despairingly irrevocable decision to spend my week long holiday@tumkuraaaaaaaaaa....


waaaahaaaaaa...ruckus is one way of saying of wat i hv made of my holiday...mental case is noder way of describin me...n to describe tumkur i'll take d rest of d space...thnk u...
located 65 kms away from bangalore, it's a 2 hr journey by bus...u cn go n come by train as well if ur nuts enough...local trains are wow out here (get my drift??)... d refreshing stench of a pan masala(fused with the sambhar) gazing ostensibly at u on d floor is remarkably distinct...n d constant chatter of d kannada language, d mildly pleasing smell of stale sweat, d chips being sold adds to d prevailing serenity....dnt get me wrong i hv nothing against tumkur local trains...most local trains across d length n breadth of dis nation r no bttr...jst replace sambhar wid local delicacy...thing is i dnt hv nethng fr tumkur local trains either...moving on...


tumkur is an amazing place in terms of weather...here u cn enjoy all 4 seasons flat in one day...d morning will b chilly n d water will look revolting as u gaze at d running tap wid d brush n soap in ur hand...my record is 11 mins...as d sun rises, d chill will dissipate n it'll warm u up, making u wish u hd taken a bath in d morning...(dnt wry no1 will know abt it, jst use a bit of deo...maaan i wish dey sold deo by kgs out here...wishful thinking...newayz) n by evening as d sun goes down d temperature will dip as much widout provocation as sherlyn chopra wen asked to act...dere will b a bit of rain or dark clouds...n by night u'll want to cuddle inside a blanket n go to sleep n thank heavens dat u ddnt take a bath...actually u might even promise urslf to hv a bath next morning if ur doped or smthng...


coming to d infrastructure i only got one sentence...it needs a lot of water, n most in d form of perspiration...na yahaan maal hain n na hi mall hain..lucky me eh??...
d only place to hang out if ur dating is a place cld coffe'n'cushi...(dnt ask wat it means...most probbly d guy who owns it is married, so take a wild guess who set d name..;-)...n wen u go in u cum out wid ur purse n stomach both empty n burning...d large pizza dere is amazing...cums in a bowl which is an inch longer dan d regular soup bowl...nvr ordered d small pizza...i guess it cums wid a microscope n surgical forceps...


d grls i wont comment on too much...n d localiites??...haha...dats a parody...most of dem march arnd as if dey own dis place n v r goddamnd aliens out here...nt lyk dere rnt gud localiites out here bt most r jst dat...localiites..get my drift.full stop.
dats it fr now..more on tumkuraaaaaaa later...fr now lemme cry ovr d spilled milk...


y does god keep teaching me lessons eh??...i hv no desire to learn...








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Saturday, October 18, 2008

wat was dat chetan??...

on friday i had an incredible urge to go c hello...waited till saturday fr d reviews...

i accept it...

i ws dissapointed...

shocked...

d critics slammed d movie lyk a vintage drunkard on a bellowing spree...n wt ws intensely astonishing was the acerbic nature of each critic...dey were(i thot) disparagingly harsh on the movie, d actors, d director n d script mind u...
nw had it(d movie) been sm1else's i wuldnt hv given a damn...who gives a shit??..
bt dis is chetan bhagat we r talkin about r'nt we??...i hv read fps around 18 times...mugged up each dialouge n cn narrate d story as it is with ease...on@cc about10 tyms n 3 mistakes about 7 tyms...

so i went...

n i wntd to ask 1 ques...chetan...wat is dis??...nw i'm no connoisseurs of movies or nethng bt my taste is reflective of wat ne ardent fan of chetan bhagat might wish for...n dat is simplicity...d connctn dat is forged en masse b/w us n him, d potency of which is stronger dan ne oder form of liasion...d script was patchy...ok d novel was dark, witty n moving...bt helllooo??...dis is a movie... we cnt fit 2 much in d 2 hrs slot cn we??...
bt wt ws d bit about priyanka(gul panag in dis case, amazingly plastic) askin shyam(sharman joshi, good prfrmnce) to stay out of hr lyf(rt aftr she finds out dat he's tapped his fone) n d expression??...
ms. panag??...dat scene ws d literal paisa-unvasool scene...amzingly plastic i must say again...
sohail khan as vroom??...stellar prfrmnce...must say he's goin up my scale..
amrita arora??...she gives new meaning to wooden...quit actin n spare us n urslf d pain hon...ur figure ws d only thng wrth wtchn earlier n nw its d gratifying pleasure of ur sis's bod svthrt...do quit acting...
issha koppikkar??...or ws it eesha??...or ws it eessha koppikkarr??..numerology cn only help wen u wrk wid gud directors...avg prfrmnce bt hrdly her fault ws it??...
military uncle ws gud as well...bt he ws kept in d 12th camera angle fr d last quartr of a nanosecond....meaning he ws d side focus...
comin to d director...d less said d bttr off...2(or ws it 3) debacles past...a director who culdnt draw out d best out of his actors...

chetan??...bttr luck nxt tym bro...dey raped ur novel n if d movie's sellin, its coz of ur name...
as simple as dat...


P.S-actually if ur chetan n if ur reading dis(highly improbable i know)....sue dem...:-)

Monday, October 13, 2008

quantum of shoelace...n d name aint bond...

the beauty of college lyf isnt d melancholy dat accompanies it within a while bt d sheer no. of classes u cn take in even wen ur system n brain is numb/dead/harried/morose...n d list continues...

as i realized horrorstruck some days ago, bunking isnt an option ne longer...a miserable piece of dumbass(also known in othr words as a "professor") informed me with an almost indecent enthusiasm dat he'll detain me if i bunk ne more of his classes...big deal- i snorted thru my nose 1ce wen i ws out of his earshot...den i realized that he ws my proctor...shit!!

some days ago i realized during the physics class dat i cn sleep with my eyes open...well almost i guess...d symphony of d drone during d physics class is the best lullaby ne guy who hsnt hd a good night's sleep cn ever have...classes come n go...n with each chapter comes a new resolve to start studying from scratch... n den resolves come n go...an interminable wait fr d next chapter 2 start again...lyf's astonishingly ironic...

1ce u start attending some electrical classes, itll affect everythng in ur lyf...physically emotionally mentally psychologically physiologically biologically n most importantly...spiritually...coz 1ce u attnd some clses at a stretch, u'll start doubting the existence of god...

humans hv discovered ways to spy on countries from space bt d essential things still go awry...cnt dey invent a foolproof proxy system??...self-writing pens??...making teachers lose deir memory??..ahhhh...d cruel ironities of lyf...harry potter ws lucky...

mid-sems hv started...dey r sort of internal exams where d profs gt to screw d student's balls(nt all...gt ma drift???...) as a warm-up b4 d real deal gets dished out...in the morning there was maths n den it ws physics frm 3.45...maths ws even...physics ws even worse...tommorrow's electrical...

no srsly does god exist??..

P.S.- i wntd to personally apologise to all d dickheads who invented & modified quantum mechanics...i hv rewritten all rules of quantum physics 2day...sorry de-broglie, heisenberg, chadwick, einstein, newton(ws he involved in dis tomfoolery??...dunno man bt still i owe him an apology...i hv raped his laws often enough) n all other morons n buffoons who hd a say in inventing n changing laws of quantum physics...

lyk i did 2day...:-)

Monday, October 6, 2008

smoky life...



The sole reason of writing a new blog ws 'coz i wntd to gt lst night's incidence out of my system... in every hostel i assume dere's no dearth of jackasses n nerds...bt insomniacs r in a league of deir own...
satanic insomniacs engage in cannibalism in the night n stupid insomniacs engage in water holi...it all strtd at 11.45 in d night wen norml earthlings engage in an activity cld sleeping n abnormal human beings(nerds) engage in an astonishingly gross activity cld studying, my field of observation being limited to hostel lyf...
surprisingly, i ws in d scnd category lst night(dnt gt me wrong, i stay away frm books as earnestly as sane ppl do , its jst dat dere ws a rumor of a quiz circulating lst night)...
11.45 in d night n i hear a guttural scream expunged frm within wt i thot ws a psychotic throat...it is followed by a roar, a bellow n den again jeers n screams...i peeked out, my curiousity gettin d bttr of me... a guy, in his banyan n shorts is drenched to d skin of his butt(ok dat ws jst n xpression, mayb a bit weird)...n den it hppnd...
wid a jovial yell of of unbridled insanity, a bucket of cold water got slammed into anothr guy by godknowswhom amidst lusty yells of crazed celebration fr holi hvin arrived early...den d nxt n den n den n again...it went on fr 45 mins, d sanity decreasing wid each passing second...awake ppl being pulld out n bein drenchd wid a joyous scream of bura na mano holi hain...i ddnt hv ne clue whethr dis shout ws an apology or a polite way of saying come out or we come in...
hostel lyf is an amalgamation m realizing...d certainity of being drawn in to dis kinda lyf is more dan say...still likin d chick u luvd once...well mayb m a hopeless romantic or mayb its jst dat wen m sitting on top of d lockd n out-of-bounds roof of our hostel, wid my frnds releasing smoke-rings n discussing lyf in general in a boozed out state, i luk up at d clear sky n c d moon n say beautiful, my frnds luk at me n drawl yeaaaa eetes...
noder smoke-ring...noder day...