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Friday, June 26, 2009

Oh Calcutta!!!....

Here's d discalimer fellas...if ur true blue die-hard rosogulla hoggin phuchka loving bong browbeater outside d human realms of humor den read furthr...;)...coz u c i luv d rxn of bengalis wen dey r confrontd wid d cons of calcutta...trust me evn if i went out wid a hot bong chick i wuld go slambang abt calcutta to gt her xpressions...for,u c u can take a person outta bengal bt u cnt take d bengal outta person...i vil leave out a lot of d real bengal coz i dnt hv d amputted frame of mind to covr it succintly...so here goes;)

Calcutta frst thngs frst ain't d "City of Lights"...d brevity of existing life out here is a contrast 2 a million color Sony Bravia...D paradox of Calcutta being calld "City of Lights" is somwat lyk callin Mumbai "Slumber Paradise"...or callin Delhi "Mild Intoxication"...fr Mumbai isnt slumber paradise n Delhi isnt mild...nw dat u hv gt dat straight n goin lets head in2 Oh Calcutta!!!...;)

Out here, d local lingo is d one u catch on a bus as u hop on frm Howrah Railway Station to ur destination...d slangs of d irritated driver n d irksome conductor r encoded in lyf by tongue-in-cheek wit...in different states dere r signs on d bus:-
aamchi Mumbai- dont talk to d driver...
saddi Delhi- please refrain from talkin to d driver...
namma Bangalore- ur requested not to talk to d driver...
n in aamar Calcutta-do not answer d driver...;)
as d driver maneuvers d rickety bus thru d umpteenth pothole n d millionth crowded street, every single passenger vil comment smtym or d oder-"daao bus ta ami chalai...nahole kal baadi pounchobo...(lemme drive u git oderwise v will reach home tommorrow)"...out here every1 of d passengr is an xpert hand at navigating thru d streets apart frm d two persons actually meant to...;)

Till day i hvnt met one typical bengali relative who wuldnt dole out advice free...n d range is vividly despairing...if i ws suffering frm a headache d possible explanation wuld b provided wid a furrowed eyebrow..."dunno bt i think hangover maybe...in case of an accident in which i ws ridin pillion..."u know wat??...dis kid is a real brat...y do u evn give him ur keys??...i cnt understand y u wnt to kill ur own son...u c wen my son raja ws small he bla blah blah blah..."


I remembr i used 2 despair wen sm of my aunthentic bengali relativs came ovr...dey wuld b one ounce of iron clad wisdom rolled in a rickety body which wuld go in2 hibernation if dey evr came in cold or heat...if dey did come durng peak cold i wuld wait eagerly to hv my revenge...wid deir cracking feet n complaints of faridabad bein toooooo cold for human survival, dey wuld flick on d heater n dig deep inside deir blanket burrow n go to sleep...one or two at nyt, i wuld creep up, switch off d heater n put on d fan at max...gute neight...;-P



Calcutta grls r d salvage...dey are howevr whr beauty lies in its true meaning...i hv seen delhi grls n bangalore grls...mumbai grls nt yet bt if beauty cuteness pretty watevr ws to b compared clcutta grls wuld beat dem hollow...lyk dey r beautiful wid most havin soulful eyes...n brains yea...;) As i said dey r d salvage fr a city dats coping undr d cloggage of past n d future, binded by d picnic of politics in d ugliest possible way, of a city strugglin to retain its glory of d past, of a city dats weighd down by d baggage of old blood n poltical excreta whr d young blood is wired flesh, blood n bone in2 d sick game of double handling undr d table cld politics...

Sad??...I'll leave dat to u 2 decide..

Friday, June 19, 2009

the reluctant relocator...;)

As i hv told u all earlier as well, d part of world i live in(read Tumkur) is an alien inhabitation of d most sci-fi humanoids...dis is most probably d place where d Extra Terrestrial from Steven Spielberg's flick came frm in his blockbuster "E.T"...n in his latter "War of the Worlds" i think d psyche blood suckin aliens were d college profs out here...no joke fellas...i"ll tell u jst hw i came to dis conclusion...

Discrimination is smthng m sure every1 hs faced in his lyf smtym or d oder...b it sibling or class or d chick u hd a crush on...every1 hs bin discriminatd smtym or d odr in his lyf m sure...howevr out here d worlds divided into two parts fr dese abracadabra supposedly human beings...n dat is localiites(read tumkur-born) n n rest of d world...

Now, wen i ws new here d frst ques i ws oftn askd by m profs ws "where r u from?"...n d innocent(metaphorically guys...;) me wuld always reply d honest answer-"Faridabad sir." If d prof raised a quirky eyebrow i'd helpfully add-"Haryana sir. NCR region. New Delhi."...Dat "New Delhi" wuld clinch d deal fr me...he wuld move on...howevr, i also met bigoted, partial, intolerant psyches of profs who wuld sneer 1ce dey heard adt "Faridabad..."dis happnd lots of tyms n even though m one guy whu tries to think logically n reasonably, i resisted d invitin temptation to take a long rod made of rusted iron n shove it up deir ass...

Newayz during lab externals, d frst ques ur askd is "Whr r u from?"...if u happen to say ur nt a localiite, den god-save-u...howevr, a frnd of mine ws treatd real bad, in an unjustifiable way coupla days back...d level of biased prejudice he hd to face one he answrd his native as Jamshedpur ws soggy even by Ekta Kapoor teleserials...

Dis set me thinkin...n i responded back durin my extrnal(finally, even though i hd bin wntin to hash back at dem fr quite sm tym) wen d anticipated question ws askd frm me...dis is kinda hw it went off:
Xtrnal- hmmm...so where are u from??...
Me- LOC...
Xtrnal-where is dat??...
Me-at d fringing periphery of india on d verge of saturation sir...
Xtrnal- nvr heard of it...which state??...
Me- right now its in war state sir...
Xtrnal-waaar state??...waat maaaan??..india hs 28 states...nvr heard of dis state...wat r u sayin man??...where is it??...
I tuk pity on d alien and broke it down to him...
Me-Indo-Pak border sir...LOC...line of-...
The xtrnal ddnt let me finish...he muttered d last word, his face an ashen mix of rotten plum and greasy soft blackcurrant...
Xtrnal- Control??...Line of Control??...The Line of Control??...u mean THE loc??..
I smiled...warmly, smugly, almost invitin him ovr to my place fr tea n sm fresh mortar shells...The friggin piece of lop-sided guts panickd...
Xtrnal- ok. ok. go. ur viva is ovr...ur free to leave...
Me-sure sir??...ok sir..
Next 15 mins he kept talkin to our internal teachr b4 he coldly calld me n tuk my case fr around 14 mins, badgerin me wid questions abt d geographical location of d LOC to y in C- Programming d formatted input output functions are called formatted...;)

P.S.- i njoyd dose 3 mins...if in duress, turn d tables...






P.S.S.- jst make sure ur nt around aftr u turn d tables...cheers;)








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Monday, June 1, 2009

End-Sems n d tirade within...

Hullo folks...m back after a hiatus...movin on wid d musings of my life my topic as u supremely intellignt creatures must hv al gathrd by now is anothr cry against d existin system n some creative insights to bring about a change dt will make d country great n proud of engineers n indigenous offsprings lyk us...;-)fairly long shot i wuld say rt now...;)


END-SEMS...the dread seeps thru like some archaic poison, wreakin havoc on my system n most of u all as wel i guess...n mine is from dis thursday...so pray fr me evry1...;)so wt m sayin is y d heck do we need exams in dis country to prove our mettle eh??...tell me one great man who ws d outcome of shithead profs coated wid assignment sheets n i vil show u a loser...wow nice line no??;)...newayz pt is dat dis country deserves better dan moronic drones who make it deir sole job to mug up crap n den puke it out in exams...wheres d creativity??...whrs d freakin guts to glory??..all dis is is a slugfest whr d biggest mugger wins...a race to death whr no1 knows wat is whose n wat he needs...i remarked about dis inversely symbiotic relationship before in my blog...if u hvnt seen it yet chck it out @- http://arkofconwheals.blogspot.com/2009/01/im-backk-n-2days-diatribe-u-all-will.html and http://arkofconwheals.blogspot.com/2008/10/beauty-of-college-lyf-isnt-d-melancholy.html

as d great Sherlock Holmes 1ce said on havin been found guilty of nt knowin abt d solar system-"a clever craftsman knows exactly wat he needs...so he wont fill his head wid d stuff he doesnt...fr wen d tym comes to pick d rt stuff, all dat he needs is lost in d junkyard dat is his
brain now"...wen Watson remarks bemusedly-"bt d solar system??"..."It wuldnt make a pennyworth of difference to me n my work if we went around d moon instead of d sun"...;)


however dis isnt fiction n d 18th century...dis is life in d 21st century...whr i cn snoop in2 ur account to know hw much cash u hv in ur banks...so wt m saying is dat education isnt half as important as d life in real world..as Oscar Wilde said memorably-"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught..." he was a sly head, an amalgam of sarcasm n wit wid his brilliant nonchalance thrown in...heady stuff indeed...

I am indebted to dis college fr teaching me in 1 year itself wt i dnt want...i dnt want to b a jerk wid buks as my soulmates, a walkin drone who cn work his ass off fr somethng he doesnt luv n like...an engineerin studnt who ddnt flunk atleast 1ce...;)...

SIT i thnk u from d pit of my heart to teach me wat i dnt want to be in my life...thanku my profs n teachers...thanku...may u get u twice d pleasure u gave me...;)



P.S.- sad blog??...i know...;)